FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
