what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
