I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
