The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
