you guys were way drunker than both of me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
