So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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