he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
