I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
