Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
