True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
