her vagine was all disorganized.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
