I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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