Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
