I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
