the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
