I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
