Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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