dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
