Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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