I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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