i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
