I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
