I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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