He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
