AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize