he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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