dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
