My cat gives me a boner
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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