maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
