WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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