So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize