i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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