Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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