booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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