Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
