i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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