Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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