i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You pole danced in your parka.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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