do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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