Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
