How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
