I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
