So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
