So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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