Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
