I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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