Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
