Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
