She announced her abortion via fbk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
