There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
