Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
