I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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