out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
