I can text with my tongue
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
