the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
