but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
