Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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