They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
