just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
