Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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