Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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