Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
