Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
