All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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