SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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