My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
