The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
