I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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