My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
