If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
