I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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