did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
