Can i not drive my cunt home
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
