i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
