The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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