life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
