90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
