im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
