Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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