high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
