We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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