In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
