Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
