Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We have started to decorate penises.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
