the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
